Room 88 – Episode 9 – Confront Your Fears

Room 88 – Episode 9 – Confront Your Fears

READ FELIX’S BACKSTORY HERE

So Felix, all of these is a result of assumptions. You have no proof, you have no evidence. You are acting off of one text message you saw over a year ago. Did you at anytime ask your wife about that text?“, Yemi asked, as we sat at a corner of the room in the jazz club.

“I wasn’t ready for a confrontation. But tell me, what else could it be Yemi? What else? I remember the content of that text message so clearly. The guy, man, sender, whatever (I gesticulated with a wave of my right hand), had sent her money. Money she obviously requested for. He mentioned he had enjoyed her company and would love to see her again. He even offered to send more money if she needed more. Why would a man be sending money to Moji if he wasn’t sleeping with her?

Yemi sat back and kept his eyes fixed on me. I knew he could tell I was struggling with my thoughts. I knew he could tell I did not believe my thoughts. He remained quiet for a few more minutes and asked.

Do you trust Moji? Before that text message, for all the years you’ve known her, has she ever given you any reason to think of her as the type of woman that would have an affair for money or any other reason for that matter?

I looked down as I circled my right index finger around the rim of my brandy glass. That was a question I had asked myself many times over.

“To be honest man, no. Not in a million years would I ever think she would cheat on me and that is why I couldn’t get over that message. It was too much for me to process and then deal with. But if it was work related, she would have mentioned it, wouldn’t she?” I asked him, hoping he’d understand my line of thinking.

I want you to be very honest in answering this question Felix. Does this have anything to do with your mum and how she treated your dad?” He waited for me to respond.

My face tightened and my brows creased into a frown.“I don’t know Yemi, I don’t. I mean, how different are the situations? With everything my dad did and sacrificed for that woman, she would still sleep around for money. Isn’t that what women are about?. Look at the ones I had these flings with, all about the money, each and everyone of them, searching for the highest bidder” I answered, tired and frustrated.

Talking about the whole situation was dragging me in many directions and that still voice kept telling me I had let things get out of hand.

I know you love your wife and you want your marriage back to what it used to be. But first, you have to let go of all the assumptions that have clouded your reasoning. You are going to have a conversation with Moji, a conversation you guys should have had months ago before things got this bad. Are you ready for this?” Yemi asked.

“Yes I am”, I answered with a deep sigh.

I was nervous, anxious and worried. One thing about me that everyone complimented me for was my ability to always appear well put together and in control of everything around me. But today, it was different, I was a mess, vulnerable to the core. I was determined to get through to the end of this and I was glad that I had Yemi to go through it with me.

Two men drinking in bar while waitress serving coffee

Right after our session, I tried to set up a date with Moji. She would not take my calls or respond to my messages. I had no idea where she had gone to with our kids and it took the help of her best friend to get across to her. She finally agreed to meet me for dinner at one of our favorite restaurants.

I got up from my seat as I saw her walk in. She looked so beautiful with her hair up in a bun, just the way I liked it, very minimal make up and soft pink lipstick. She was wearing a white bardot blouse and white shorts that accentuated her curves without looking indecent. I pulled out a seat for her.

“Thanks for showing up Moji, you look beautiful” I said, my eyes fixed on her.

“You didn’t leave me any choice. Why are we here Felix?” She asked.

I was a nervous wreck, I didn’t know where and how to begin.

“Things have not been okay between us. I know I messed up, I know I shut you out and I have been an asshole, the one I promised I wouldn’t be to you. Listen Moji, I am sorry, I am sorry for…” She didn’t let me finish.

“No Felix, you listen. I am not going to sit around while you think you can apologize for all the rubbish you’ve been doing. I reached out to you many times, wanting so desperately to fix what had gone wrong. I asked for answers, why my FX had suddenly turned his back on me but all I got was even more disrespect, another affair to top the last. Now you want me to listen?” Her lips quivered as she spoke, she was struggling to control herself. I didn’t know how to continue, but I knew I had to come clean.

“I have been seeing a therapist. I knew I needed help. That person isn’t who I am, He’s not the kind of husband I ever thought I’d be to you. I’ve been dealing with a lot of demons from my past. When I should have made clarifications, I did not and that is what has got me here.” I said, my eyes pleading for understanding.

I started out by telling her about my childhood – my mum and how her promiscuity led to my dad’s death. How it had changed my perception of all women. I talked about the few bad relationships I got into before we got married. Then I finally talked about the text message saw on her phone and how I made my conclusions.

“I know I sound stupid right now and I shouldn’t even be asking you this, but I need to know the truth about that text message” I said, my heart pounding. The look on her face could freeze water. She was quiet for a long time.

SVG > man restaurant woman - Free SVG Image & Icon. | SVG Silh

And then she spoke “I am trying really hard to process everything you have just said, I am. I’m hurt, i’m confused and sorry all at the same time. I’m hurt because it cuts even deeper than your philandering, that you don’t trust me and you would think of me as someone who’d have an affair for money or even have an affair at all. I’m confused because you let your assumptions ruin our marriage. I’m sorry for the kind of mother you had and only for that reason will I explain that text message to you. The man was a client, he contracted me to design a custom collection for his wife. We met up to look through designs. It was a challenge for me because what he wanted was very premium standard. He offered me more money if my original quote would not get the job done” She paused and looked at me with what I’d call a mix of bitterness and hate. “I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you, it’s a good thing you’re seeing a therapist, you need one. Good night Felix”. I watched her as she picked her purse and walked out of the restaurant.

I sat there looking and feeling like a fool. I put my head in my hands and didn’t try to fight the tears that clouded my eyes. A sudden feeling of fear filled me. Would I ever be able to get Moji back? Get her to love me again, get things back to how it used to be or even get her at all. I don’t know how many more minutes I sat there for, head in my hands, but it was the voice of the waiter that got me started. I ordered take out and left a few minutes later.

I told Yemi about my meeting with my wife, I told him about my biggest fear of losing her forever. He told me not to stop or give up till I get her back.

Message after message, gift after gift, visit after visit, all I met was a brick wall, deafening silence. Not once did she acknowledge any of them. Her friends tried as did her family, but there was no response at all. Every time I went back to Yemi, he would ask me to go and try harder. One night, as a last resort, I sent her an imessage straight from my heart.

Moji, I know you want nothing to do with me anymore and I understand that. I know that saying I am sorry over and over will not take away all the pain. You have been the best person that ever happened to me since my dad. I thank you for loving me and bringing so much light to my life. I thank you for our kids and teaching me how to love, I am sorry I messed it all up. I love you Moji and I will never stop loving you. I miss you so much and I feel so empty without you. Even if you don’t come back to me, please forgive me.

I burst into painful tears as I ended the message and in the midst of my tears, I don’t remember If I hit the send button before falling asleep. I woke up to the sound of the doorbell. I had slept off on the couch in the living room with Lenny Kravitz playing from my Bangs and Olufsen Beolab 50 Sound system. I looked at the time, it was 7.00 am. I walked groggily to the door and looked through the peephole, it was Moji. I fully became awake, tried to adjust my T shirt and smell my breath at the same time. I rushed into our bathroom and gargled with some mouth wash. I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and emptied it into my dry throat.

Beolab 50 in Bronze
Bangs & Olufsen Beolab 50

I went down on my knees as soon as I opened the door for her, she walked in, looked at me and pulled me up to my feet. I held her by the waist and looked into her eyes, my eyes pleading.

“Please don’t leave me Moji, please” I begged her desperately.

“Good Morning Felix, you should have brushed instead, the mouth wash didn’t work, your breath still stinks” She said and smiled. I thought my heart will burst with joy. I pulled her into a hug and muttered ‘Thank you’ over and over again.

She made breakfast and we talked for hours on end about everything that mattered. I made sure we left nothing unsaid. I took a bath right after our 3 hours long conversation and we went out to lunch. 2 bottles of wine down , we ended up in one of the rooms at the hotel where we had eaten and spent the rest of the day and night. Making love to Moji again was like a rebirth. I couldn’t have been happier. The following day, we spent time restocking the house and getting things back in order and then we went to pick up our kids from their Grandma’s.

Our 10th marriage anniversary was 2 weeks after we reconciled. I decided I was going to renew my vows to her at the same place where I had proposed. I booked our tickets to Singapore and made hotel reservations, we were going to be there for a week. I had made arrangements with her mum and sister to have the kids stay with them while we were away.

It was the best one week of our lives. On the night of the anniversary, as we walked along the board walk at the Marina at Keppel Bay, she cried as I changed her ring and promised to love her forever, never to hurt her again.

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Half of the problems in any relationship are solved when there is communication every step of the way. How do you feel about Felix’s happy ending?

I know I have no excuse for 2 full months of silence. I am sorry lovers, I miss this space as much as you do. This lock down is my chance to make it up to you.

With Helen and Misan left to find their happy endings, Room 88 is about to come to an end. I hope you have enjoyed it so far. You can catch up on the previous episodes by clicking on the links below.

EPISODE 1

EPISODE 2

EPISODE 3

EPISODE 4

EPISODE 5

EPISODE 6

EPISODE 7

EPISODE 8

In this confusing and trying times, let us continue to stay safe, stay positive and stay in the place of prayer. Sending you all love and light and remember to drop your comments or at least click on a smiley to let me know what you think of today’s episode.

Xoxo, your girl

Jay

2 Comments

  • Nchedo
    March 31, 2020

    Yassss! Good to have you back.
    Hopefully Felix’s ending stays happy!!!

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