Diary Of A Shoe Lover, Season 2 Episode 3 – Finding Peace
“I really needed this holiday” Aishat said, rolling over to her back.
“I think I needed it more, I feel so alive being away from it all. It’s been a crazy past week.” Ivie replied taking a sip of her Caipirinha.
Three of us in Rio De Janeiro, we had decided to go on vacation for a week to get away from the troubles surrounding our once problem free lives. Everyday, being an adult seemed more unappealing.
After Ivie’s revelation of Eddy’s escapades that had led to him getting his girlfriend pregnant, I felt like the world was crashing down on me. For more than a moment, it wasn’t about Ivie or the immense hurt she must be going through, it became about me.
A terrible fear overtook me. If Eddy who had a beautiful daughter and another baby on the way could have an extra marital affair that had led to pregnancy, what was my fate? Me, who couldn’t even miss a menstrual period not to talk of the likelihood of getting pregnant.
I did all I could to mask my fears that day and even as I cried along with Ivie and Aisha, none of them would have guessed the real reason behind my uncontrollable tears.
After crying to our hearts fill, Aishat suggested we pray. And pray we did, asking God for peace and healing and grace not to lose ourselves in the midst of the curve balls life was throwing our way.
It was a welcome idea by Aisha to get away and we had chosen Brazil. My mum had willingly agreed to babysit Osas and Ahmed so we could have a kids free holiday.
It was the 3rd day of our vacation in Rio and we were lodged in one of the hotels along the popular beach resort, Copacabana.
“You know, sometimes I wonder why everything changes after marriage, it’s like there’s a curse placed on the institution.” I said as I sat up and adjusted my sunglasses.
“What hurts the most is the fact that Eddy will come home to me E-V-E-R-Y night he’s in town, professing his undying love over and over again. We were making love more than 3 times a week even when I was almost due with Osas and nothing changed with this pregnancy. Guys, I made it a point of duty even when I felt sick to my stomach to always look my best for him. I just can’t understand where I missed it, I just can’t.” Ivie broke into fresh tears.
“The truth is darling, it has nothing to do with you, it has nothing to do with you not being enough. I have come to realize and understand that men are wired in such a way that we would never understand.
I have not a single doubt in the world that that man Eddy loves you to bits, I have talked to him every day since we got here and I know he’s truly sorry.
The problem is their lack of discipline and self control. This is not me justifying this mess, but that’s the reality of it all. You just need to find a way to get past this and move on.” Aishat said, getting up to sit beside Ivie who had her face wet with tears.
“So it’s only a matter of time before this reality comes knocking on my childless door” I said unconsciously
Ivie replied almost immediately,
“Oh no Salewa, the last thing you can do is relate this to your situation. Not like I can vouch for any man now, but I’d be more heart broken than I am now if Hakeem walks down this lane. I strongly doubt he will.
Not only because he loves you too much, but I see a man with very high moral standards, and the truth is I have never being able to say that about Eddy even in all of our dating years. I just didn’t think he’d stoop this low.”
“Ooookkkkayyyy girls, we are supposed to be on this break to get away from the madness, not dwell on it. Let’s go grab something to eat and freshen up, we’d be going to Mariuzinn disco club and I’m not missing it for anything.” Aishat got up and grabbed our hands.
We packed our beach bags and headed towards the hotel.
Later that night, exhausted from all the fun we had at the club, we had settled into bed when my phone beeped.
HAKEEM: I miss you Salewa, I really do
SHALLY TOO CUTE: I’d be back in a few days
HAKEEM: I can’t wait a few days, it’s really lonely here without you
SHALLY TOO CUTE: I thought you’d be enjoying your space now that my fat self is not getting in your way.
HAKEEM: But I said I’m sorry, I didn’t even mean it as an insult, we had goals and I was only looking out for you. I’m also sorry I yelled.
SHALLY TOO CUTE: I need to go to bed, we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow
HAKEEM: Ok, I love you babe, good night
SHALLY TOO CUTE: Good night
I knew I had dragged my anger with Hakeem for too long, but I was milking all the attention, who knows if I’d be getting any of it in the near future. I really did understand that he was overwhelmed too, but the fear of the possibility of never being able to have a child was too overbearing. Now add the thought of losing him completely.
We were having breakfast at the Forte de Copacabana after an early morning walk on the beach, it was the last day of our vacation before heading back home the following day. Ivie had gone to use the toilet, while I was busy on my phone. Aishat had excused herself to get something upfront.
I looked up from my phone to see Eddy and Hakeem walking towards our table, just at the same time Ivie came out. She immediately made a turn as she saw Eddy who ran after her and caught up with her.
Trying not cause a scene, she followed him out to a more quiet area and all I could see was her shaking her head and her mouth moving like she was shouting.
“Why are you here?”, I turned to Hakeem who stood by staring at me
“I’m here to take you home”, he reached out his hand to take mine and led me to an empty table.
“Salewa, I’m really sorry. I know it’s been tough on you, but I need you to understand that it’s equally tough on me too. I want to have babies with you so badly, I do. But, these few days with you away, since the last episode has made me realize that having you is much more important to me. I can’t imagine a life without you. Please, we’re in this together, and I promise with God on my side, this Eddy and Ivie situation will never be our story. I will never put you in that position. Don’t even think of it happening, please. I love you babe and I will always do right by you.
At this point, I was crying like a baby. Those words, words that I needed to hear to drown all the negativity that had taken over my mind. My Hakeem.
“I love you too Hakeem and I need you every single day of my life. Don’t yell at me like that again, you scared me, I thought I had lost you” I said, grabbing him into a hug.
“Hey you’re choking me with your fat body” he said and tried to make a run for it.
I felt like the luckiest girl in the world, I must be the luckiest girl in the world, if only that luck would shine on my womb.
One week after we arrived Lagos and had settled into our daily lives, three of us had met for our traditional Tuesday lunch.
“She took out the baby, she said she didn’t want it and couldn’t face her father with a pregnancy for a married man” Ivie briefed us. She continued,
“I don’t know if things can ever be the same between me and Eddy again , but hey, life goes on” She finished.
“I don’t even advice you try to get things back to how it was, I’d advice you start afresh and take it one day at a time” Aishat said.
“It will all end in praise” I said as we came together for a hug.
I felt safe with these girls, more than 20 years of uninterrupted friendship. That was enough for me to survive the world.