Diary Of A Shoe Lover – Season 3 Episode 4 – Old Hollywood Glam

Diary Of A Shoe Lover – Season 3 Episode 4 – Old Hollywood Glam

Read Episode 3 Here

From the moment we came to the conclusion to have an Old Hollywood 50’s themed party for my 4oth birthday, i knew i was going to be dressed as Audrey Hepburn.I had seen her in movies as a child with my mum. She had almost all her movies and we’d watch them over and over and over again. Most of my sense of style, i would say i developed from the 50s era.

“Mum, do you have a minute?” My daughter Osaretin said, as she came into my dressing room where i was getting my make up done.

“Yes love, what’s up?” I replied

“There’s something i’d like to tell to you, it’s been bothering me”, she said, waiting for me to give her the go ahead.

I asked my make up artist to step outside for a while. I was tempted to ask Osas to wait till after the party, so we could talk better, but if there’s anything i have learned in motherhood, it is to address issues as soon as they are presented.

“Ok hun, shoot, what’s wrong” I asked her. She was so mature now and was in her first year in Junior Secondary School. I had a quick mental flashback, me and mum, those many years ago.

She passed on just i was about to get into Secondary school. I was thankful to God for life and the grace to be alive to be a part of my children’s lives. What my mum would have given to see me grow up. What i would have given to have my mum while growing up. *sigh*

 

“There is a friend of mine in school, her name is Solape. She’s been so sad lately and always crying. We got talking yesterday and she told me her parents were getting a divorce. She feels really betrayed and angry. She says she wants to run away, i asked her not to. But suggested she could come and spend a few days here if they will let her. She says there’s even a battle for custody over her and her younger sisters” She said, almost in one breath.

I had a flashback to my conversation with Salewa at lunch a few weeks ago. We had touched on the issue of love and betrayal and getting a divorce.

 

*(Flash Back)*

 

“Ivie, can i ask you an honest question? Salewa looked up from her food.

`

“Yes, ask away” i replied, taking a sip of water from my bottle.

 

“I can’t really stop wondering. How is it you get married to someone, he betrays you over and over, and you’re still able to be with him, acting like everything is fine. Like, Eddy still cheats on you Ivie, but you’re still with him, how does it work. I think i’d feel like i’m living a lie.

I’m sorry if it sounds like i’m instigating negativity, no i’m just curious as per how you deal with it, because for me, i think i’d have gotten a divorce” She said, waiting for her answer.

 

I smiled, then laughed “I get what you mean. Initially, that’s how i felt and that’s what it was. I was literally living a lie. I mean, i had to put up fake smiles and attitudes, when all i wanted to do was put a knife through his throat.

It has been a mental process, a state of mind kind of thing. I knew i wasn’t happy, i was constantly in and out of depression, yet he was living his life. I was the bitter, angry woman and i didn’t want to be that woman.

I also realized it stopped being about only me when there was Osaretin and Osagie. Eddy is such a great father to them, you can testify to that. I didn’t want to rob them of that sense of family. So many times i did consider getting a divorce. Financially, it won’t have been a problem.

But i also knew all i wanted was to be happy and getting a divorce wasn’t going to guarantee my happiness. It was my emotions and mental state being caged and i had the choice and power to free myself.

So i decided to live the best of the life i had. It sounds stupid as i say it, but that’s what it’s been. Yes, i wish it wasn’t this way, i wish he was faithful. But he isn’t, and that would not be the end of me or raising a generation of emotionally unstable kids. Eddy and i are cool, everything else works out fine except that bit of us. 

He’s still the first person i’d call if i had to make a business decision, he’s my go to when the kids start to act crazy and out of control. When i’m horny, well, who do i turn to? Eddy. That part of it was hard tho, but i started to treat it as just sex. Pleasurable business. I’m actually at a point where i can separate my emotions from sex. I take the necessary precautions. I honestly don’t know how to explain this to you, cos the way you’re looking at me now ehn.” I laughed at her facial expression.

Truth is Salewa, i’m in a good place, not to say i don’t aspire for better, not to say i have resigned myself to emotional doom, but there’s been a lot to consider. A lot being my kids. They are happy, that’s pure joy for me

I’m free from bitterness, anger and unforgiveness. I’m no longer affected by what he does, my love is a lot more logical and realistic. In the past year, I’ve seen changes in Eddy, i’ m not just getting over excited about it.

He’s a lot more into being at home and spending time with me. Gone are the days where he was club hopping and always with the guys. These days he constantly wants us to hang out.

I don’t know if the sparks will ever return, i am a lot more guarded, but i’m taking it one day at a time, always hoping for the best but also prepared for the worst.” I finished.

I’m not very sure she was convinced, her face still showed a bit of confusion or disbelief or both. We were in two different situations, i wouldn’t have expected her to get it.

 

(*Back To The Present*)

 

“That’s so sad, really sad. But sometimes Osas, it’s the best decision for some people. I don’t know the story behind your friend’s parents and i pray she’s able to get through this. Yes, it’s okay for her to come over but only when she has taken permission from her parents” I said pulling her into a hug.

 

She looked up at me “You and daddy won’t get a divorce, right? I can’t imagine us living apart. That’s just wrong” She said.

 

“No love, we won’t get a divorce, but every marriage has it’s own challenges, and mummy and daddy are making sure we get the best out of ours to give you and your brother the best. 

Now go and get ready, i need to finish getting dressed for my dinner, ask the make up artist to come in. And make sure your brother is properly dressed too, okay? Love you” I answered, as i blew her air kisses.

 

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Life and it’s curve balls, you never see them coming, and when you do, you can’t exactly dodge them all. I took another look at myself in the full length Victorian mirror in my now empty bedroom, dressed in my 50s Old Hollywood Glam inspired dress for Ivie’s 40th birthday.

Life in the past 5 years has been different, i studied the age lines that had now become so obvious on my face. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes again. If only Yomi was still here.

No matter how hard i tried, i could not get over the death of my husband. The husband of my youth, My darling Abayomi Oni. We were married for 44 years till death took him from me. I remembered that day at the hospital so vividly.

 

*Flashback*

 

“Yomi, how’s the pain? Do you feel better? The doctors say that after the next session, the cells will..” i had started to say

 

He cut me short, “Ife, there’d be no need for another session, i’m tired. The pain is unbearable, i’m sick 90% of the time, i can see the stress you all are going through, i’m just waiting to go, let me just go Ife” he said as the tears dropped from the sides of his eyes.

 

I was shattered hearing those words from him. Yomi was one of the strongest people i knew. Right from our youth, he had always been a fighter, never giving up on anything. But this cancer thing, this cursed disease had made my Yomi entirely weak and hopeless. I wanted to cry, but i tried to be strong, hoping that will put some hope back in him.

 

“Yomi, you’re not going anywhere, you’re not going to die on me o. Remember we have plans to pepper them in Canada, remember you promised the triplets a trip to Paris for their next birthday. There’s so much we need you here for. Yomi i need you, please fight this battle for me, please Yomi, don’t leave me” i said, as my lips began to tremble from the wave of emotions i had been trying to hold back.

 

I couldn’t hold back any longer, i cried so much i started to shake violently. I felt his frail hands on mine. I heard him say a few things, but i wasn’t listening, i was scared. I know we both cried for more than a few minutes before we slept off, or i slept off, because when i woke up, Yomi was dead, gone forever.

 

*Back To The Present*

 

It took me 2 years plus to get my life back on track, the nights were a drag. I was a huge mess. Thank God for my children and grandchildren, they did the most in getting me back on my feet. I didn’t want to be tagged a widow, so i stopped attending our family church to avoid the pity party i knew they’d form. Everyday, it gets better but nothing or no one can fill the void that man left. *sigh*

I touched up my lipstick and picked up my purse, My daughter in law, Moji was waiting for me downstairs looking every inch the Old Hollywood star. I looked forward to the dinner and having fun and what everyone would be wearing.

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I stood aside with my glass of champagne, taking in everyone and everything that was going on. The party was going on even better than we had planned. Everyone took to the theme and it was indeed glamorous. My Marilyn Monroe inspired look was no different. My Sister in law, Moji was in the country and had come dressed also as Marilyn Monroe.

Ivie couldn’t have looked any happier, i was happy for her. Eddy had come to Hakeem and i a few months ago and we had a long heart to heart. I really hoped this time, he was ready to make amends and be the husband he should have been all these years. Ivie deserved true love and commitment.

I watched Aishat being her crazy self with Timeyin and for a brief moment, i imagined her getting off on her vibrator. I immediately took a gulp of my champagne to shake the thought off. Her choice of outfit was interesting, a modern twist to Ethel Waters and it looked so good on her. She told me they were taking the Valentines week off. I hoped for her sake it all turned out well.

With Vals day just a week away, i had a lot of work to do. I have been planning  a huge surprise for Hakeem, one i knew would blow his mind.

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I’m looking forward to the Valentine’s day episode but until then, how did you find this episode?

What are your thoughts on cheating in marriage? Do you see reason with Ivie’s Philosophy?

To what extent will your kids make you stay on?

Have you had to deal with the loss of a loved one?

How long did it take to be able to see the bright side of life again?

Share your thoughts below.

Shout out again to the amazing Peniel Enchill for her Spot on illustrations

Peace, Love and More Shoes

Xoxo,

Jay

2 Comments

  • Abby Sotomi
    February 17, 2018

    So so good! ❤❤❤❤❤❤I cannot wait for the next episode. As women, we rationalize decisions we make. We make sacrifices for our children but guess what, what about our rights to the pursuit of happiness , peace of mind, respectful relationships etc? Are we not worthy? This is why we need to be financially independent so we do not have to stay in disrespectful relationships. Think about this 4 a minute. What are we teaching our daughters and sons? If anyone decides to stay, have a plan and don’t let the man give you a disease that will kill you that you cannot even live to see the kids you are trying to save grow up. Just my humble opinion..

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