Diary Of A Shoe Lover Season 2, Episode 2 – When Life Happens!!!
I rolled over and opened my eyes to see Hakeem standing over me, I sat up and met his lips as he tried to reach for mine.
“I’m going out for a run and I’m not going without you, so get up, freshen up and let’s go” He said as he bent over to tie his laces.
I threw my head back on the pillow and grabbed the duvet.
“I don’t feel up to it, besides it’s 5.30 in the morning and it’s Saturday, can I at least sleep for one more hour?” I mumbled.
“No lover, you can’t sleep for an hour, we need to keep you in shape, remember we had body goals early this year “ He replied as he took the duvet off me and pulled me up again.
I dragged myself out of our king-sized bed and made for the bathroom. Was this Hakeem’s way of telling me I was getting fat? I knew I had added a few Kg’s but I wouldn’t get on the scale to know just how many.
My clothes were getting snug around my midsection and thighs, but because they still fit, I didn’t think anything of it.
I sat on the toilet seat to take a leak and on cleaning up with the tissue paper, it came out blood red. My heart shattered into a million pieces. I was really hoping this would be it. The snug clothes, I had been consoling myself that it is because I had gotten pregnant I was putting on weight. Now, another month, and yet another visit from Aunt Flo. Why me, why?
I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.
“Salewa, come out now, it’s been almost 15mins”. I heard Hakeem call out for me. I couldn’t bring myself to answer, the tears were uncontrollable. After 3 knocks and no response, he came in.
He squatted in front of me, I tried to avoid his eyes.
“You can go ahead Hakeem, I need to be left alone” I said. He heaved a deep sigh, got up and sat on the edge of the bath.
“What is it this time Salewa” He said staring at me.
I lost it In my head.
“What do you mean by what is it this time?, first you wake me up and indirectly tell me I’m fat and need to run at 5am, now you’re insinuating I’m a nag. Do you know how frustrating it is to see your period every month for almost 3years of trying for a baby, do you know the …?” He cut me off
“Stop being so f^^ng selfish all the damn time, stop it, just stop it” He was almost yelling, he paused and struggled to control his tone.
“Do you think this doesn’t affect me as much as it affects you, have you ever stopped to ask me how I’m holding up? Do you think I like that we can’t get pregnant and have our own children almost 4years after?” His voice got louder with each sentence
“It’s always about you, how you feel, me holding you up, looking out for you, walking on egg shells around you. Stop it Salewa, please just stop it” he stormed out of the bathroom and the last thing I heard was him slamming the room door.
I have known Hakeem for more than 20years and I have never seen him that upset with anyone. I broke out in fresh tears. Will this be the beginning of the end of our marriage? Hakeem can now yell at me and slam the door on me?
I took a long warm bath, crying the whole time. I picked out a loose fit dress to hide my flabby stomach and a pair of sandals and packed an overnight bag. We obviously needed some space from each other.
I was very sure my mum will not let me stay in her house, besides I wasn’t ready for any sermons. I was already thinking of a hotel close to the house I could spend the night.
I called Aishat first, I needed my girls.
Aishat had a son, my god son. She had met this guy one time when she had visited her parents. Khameel was one of those spoiled northern guys from a very wealthy home but he loved Aisha to bits. She liked him as well but wasn’t ready to commit to marriage. That had brought a rift between her and her father, who had threatened to cut her off his will.
Eventually, she came around and was able to overcome her commitment fears. The plans for the wedding started and we were all so excited. A week to the wedding, we had gone to Dubai to buy her jewelry. We got back to the unfortunate news that Khameel and some of his friends had gone clubbing and he had overdosed on cocaine and passed away before help could come. It was a dark period in Aishat’s life.
She went through many stages and phases of denial, confusion, hopelessness and betrayal. Then she found out she was pregnant. She had her baby, Ahmed, in Canada and stayed back for a year and 6months. She went through counseling, got a diploma in business administration and returned to Nigeria to continue with her business. For her, she was done with love or trying to have a family. She had decided to remain a single mother and raise her son to the best of her ability.
“I can’t just believe Hakeem yelled at me, I can swear I saw hate in his eyes. He was like a different person guys” I had just finished narrating to Aisha and Ivie what had happened that morning.
After I called Aishat and she said she was home all day, I had called Ivie who also said she was free and we decided to meet at Aisha’s house as no one was in the mood for public appearances.
“I can’t even start to say I understand what you’re going through, but you also need to cut Hakeem some slack. These things don’t affect just us the women. They have their own emotional and psychological breakdowns too and only try to mask it.” Ivie said, ever the peace maker.
“I stand with Ivie on this Salewa, the pressure on him too must be intense. I’m not saying it’s okay for him to yell or show aggression but he’s human too and needs a shoulder to lean on.” Aishat said, as she passed me a bag of chips.
She looked so good as she had continued with living a healthy lifestyle.
I sighed “I know guys, it just gets so overwhelming and frustrating and hopeless” I passed up on the chips.
“I should go back and register with April laugh Fitness to get my body back” I said.
I noticed Ivie for the first time since we got to Aishat’s house, she had absolutely no make up on and her eyes looked like she hadn’t slept in a week.
“Ivie, are you okay, you don’t have that pregnancy glow anymore, what’s wrong?”
She burst into tears, Aisha looked up from her phone and we both went to sit with her. We allowed her cry it all out till she blurted out,
“Eddy got her pregnant”….